Are you taking responsibility for
your life and circumstances
or
are you playing the role of a victim?
Do you know individuals who are constantly playing the victim card—blaming others and the world for their unfortunate circumstances?
Several activist groups would have you believe their entire group is oppressed and that they are ALL victims! Yes, some have a legitimate story that supports their situation—but does that justify the victim mentality?
Absolutely not—and here’s why!
When the victim card is played, the victim is trying to shift the onus for the condition of the person or group onto outside influences. That suggests the victim has played no role in creating the situation and that he or she has no power to change it.
That attitude plays perfectly into the victim mentality: After all, it’s not the victim’s fault, so he or she can’t do anything about it.
In his book The Road Less Traveled, author Scott Peck identified that one of the most difficult character disorders to treat is where it is everyone else’s fault. The reason successful treatment is so challenging is that the individuals do not take personal responsibility for the contribution they are making to their own situation.
The motto of the victim-mentality mindset? It’s not my fault!
Although most of us are guilty of feeling that way at some level or another, we don’t make it a way of life. Here are examples of victim mentality.
Watch who these individuals are blaming for their external conditions.
- My 11-year-old son felt he could not get good grades in math because of the teaching style of the teacher. We reframed the situation to show that no matter what, he is responsible for his marks. His math grade is now the highest in 2 years.
- Previous board members at our private school said we could never grow the school, given the condition of the community (blue collar) and that most individuals could not afford private education. Obviously, the school was a victim of circumstances.
Now, that the victim-mentality individuals have left the board, we are on our way to 60% growth in just the past 12 months. I guess all the individuals who could not invest in private education moved out of the area in the past year.
- A local poverty-action group said that unless the government and the community put several initiatives in place, individuals could never get out of the cycle of poverty. So far, they have fulfilled their expectations and their poverty group continues to grow.
Note: This does not suggest new programs are not needed but this group is implying no one can get out of poverty without new programs.
- A very successful colleague in Chicago tells me that many of his friends still struggle and blame their race (African-American) for their poor conditions. That did not stop him.
- It has been proven in research that your posture and the way you carry yourself reveal whether or not you are an easy target (victim). If you act like a victim, it’s more probable that you will become one—even just walking down the street.
- When confronted by a teenage mother-to-be who wanted support because she could no longer work, Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura suggested she should have thought about that before she got herself into that condition. He asked why the state should pay for other people’s choices/mistakes.
- Over the past 5 years, CRG has contracted three different marketing copywriters, all of whom did not work out for us. We started to play into the victim mindset, feeling sorry for ourselves and blaming everyone for this failure except ourselves. In the end, it was CRG that had to be held accountable. After all, we signed the contracts.
I’m sure you can think of examples where similar victim mindsets were evident.
Nothing positive or productive comes out of that attitude.
You are also a product of your environment and the company you keep.
- Who are you are hanging out with? They are influencing your behaviors and mindset.
- Be aware of your primary peer group(s). If you are spending most of your time interacting with individuals who like to blame others for their circumstances, guess which path you will be heading down.
- Even if they are family members or long-term friends, don’t play victim to the victim. Take personal responsibility and upgrade your circle of friends and peers.
To assist you on your journey of taking personal responsibility—and not playing to the victim mentality—I recommend the following CRG resources. These tools will allow you to take personal ownership in several areas of your life, while building your confidence and saying No to the victim mentality.