What
would your life or business look like if you changed it to fit
everyone´s (in many cases unsolicited) opinions? You certainly would
not be living your purpose.
In
the past several weeks, I have had the pleasure of speaking to several
groups across the country. In every session, individuals have their
opinions of the content and style of my presentation. Some are very
positive; others are not.
In
life, especially if you are in the public eye or if you are the least
bit controversial, some people will disagree with you. In fact, I would
argue that if everyone likes you, you are not challenging them enough.
The
highest-paid experts are hired because their clients can count on them
to state their position and not be swayed by popular beliefs or
differing professional opinions.
About
10 years ago, I stopped using participant-evaluation forms with a
numeric 1-to-10 measuring format and any mention of the lunch or the
facility. I found that a percentage, ranging from 5% to 25% of the
group, was more interested in the lunch than the content. Sorry, the
session was about sales, leadership, living on purpose, and so on. The lunch has nothing to do with behavioral transformation!
Research
confirms that no matter what a presenter or speaker does, 5% of the
participants will dislike him or her. The reality is that many people
have baggage and they will carry it with them to your presentation. The
issue is not about you—it´s about them.
For
example, as an expression of our corporate values, CRG periodically
offers one of our programs to a nonprofit community group. Just last
week, we had the opportunity to work with mid-managers from various
organizations who are part of an initiative to take leadership into
their community.
Unfortunately,
the group´s original speaker cancelled his engagement less than 72
hours before the event. That´s when we got the call. We responded to
their last-minute request and donated our time.
The
presentation went well and feedback was positive, except for a couple
of individuals´ hateful remarks about me and the session.
That
was disappointing. Ironically, the purpose of that group is to develop
leadership by encouraging citizens to become fully engaged, while
embracing diversity. Now, who would want to follow people who display
vicious, juvenile conduct?!
What
type of person posts vile comments? Usually shallow individuals who
lack self-confidence and who typically are not very successful.
My
point is this: No matter who you are or what you do, unsolicited
opinions and comments that have no merit will be offered. They should
be completely ignored. That includes "well-meaning" family members and
friends who are judging the way you should run your life or business.
Unless the advisor has a track record of success in the exact area you need, why would you listen? Here are some examples.
- Someone who has no children tells you how to parent.
- An individual who has had no success in investing tells you how to invest your money.
- A career counselor who dislikes his or her job is counseling you on how to live your life on purpose.
- A person who has never been successful in business tells you how you should run your company.
- An average or below-average sales rep tells the sales superstar how to improve his/her sales performance.
- An individual who has never supervised others tells you how to lead a team.
The list goes on . . .
In
the end, you must live your own life. Don´t let dysfunctional
individuals or uninformed family and friends inject their opinions into
your space. Be respectful, but just say No.
That´s why I stopped seminar evaluations. The only feedback I need is from the decision-maker who invested in the session.
Unless
you are one of my trusted advisors, I am not interested in your opinion
about my presentations. After 20 years and 2000 presentations, I know
myself. I have my own personal style and I am not going to change—nor
should you—just because a minority did not like something.
Of
course there are some exceptions, such as feedback from individuals in
authority at work and those you trust the most. Even then, make sure
you are not being forced to be someone you are not—or expected to
compromise your values in favor of another person.
I
encourage everyone to stand in your personal and professional space
with confidence. You can choose to seek wisdom from others but you must
be watchful of the qualifications of your sources.
When
you are confident and clear about who and what you are, others´
opinions will no longer impact you. You don´t need validation because
you are secure in yourself. And negative feedback will not take you out.
CRG´s purpose is to help you establish and confirm who and what YOU
desire in life. With all its resources, CRG contributes to individuals,
families, teams, and organizations to help them live and work on purpose.
Take the Action Steps below.
If I Wanted Your Opinion, I Would Have Asked for It
- Are
you completely clear about what is important to you, in all areas of
your life? If not, what do you need to confirm?
- Have
you allowed unsolicited opinions from unqualified individuals to
influence your life and business? If Yes, why do you think you have
allowed that to happen?
- What has listening to others´ ill-considered opinions cost you in terms of direction, confidence, and success?
- Decide
this moment that you will not allow ignorant opinions into your
personal or professional space. What do you need to change or shift to
achieve that objective?
- The reality is that if you stand for anything,
someone will disagree. If you never have anyone disagreeing with you,
are you living authentically or are you simply trying to please others?
- Feedback
is an important part of growth; proactively select your group of
advisors to make sure they have a proven track record of success in the
area where you seek counsel. Make sure these individuals will tell you
the truth—not just what you want to hear.
- Set an objective that you will take the necessary steps to mature to a level where the opinions of others do not matter.
- To
assist your personal journey of confirming what is important to you so
you are not sidetracked by other opinions, I recommend the following
CRG resources.
- Your life or business is your own to live.
Until next time, keep Living On Purpose!.
Ken Keis
For information on CRG Resources, please visit http://www.crgleader.com.
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